Sometimes anxiety says "Give me your wallet." and sadly I comply. For quite sometime now I've been out of the work force. There was a time when I thought that I could walk into any interview and walk out with an offer. Those days are long gone. Now I feel so unsure about myself that I genuinely believe no one will hire me for anything other than the most menial job. Why is that? Well, it's those negative words and thoughts that come so freely into my head. I realized today that on average I chastise myself 8 to 10 times a day by saying "You are such an idiot." or "If you weren't such a dumbass...". So who wants to hire an idiot or a dumbass? That's where I am right now. Instead of going after a great job with confidence and putting myself in a postion to earn more money and meet new people, I sit in my house thinking of all the reasons that I shouldn't even try.
The bottom line is that I'm afraid of being rejected by an employer. I'm afraid to hear some condescending comment about how they're not hiring right now etc. I'm worried that somehow employers will laugh at me for just applying. Yes, I know that this is ridiculous, but knowing that doesn't get rid of the anxiety. I keep telling myself that I'm a smart, educated, skilled, hard working person that anyone should be thrilled to have as an employee, but when it comes down to it I doubt all of those qualities.
What is it like to have courage and be resilient? I'd really like to have both of those qualities.
No comments:
Post a Comment